Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am midnight drunk by noon
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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