so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just googled if crying burns calories
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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