oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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