Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
