goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize