so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
