so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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