sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You're like the curious george of whores
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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