someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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