I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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