I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
