Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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