Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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