obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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