morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No subtext here. People are naked.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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