I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
