you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
