i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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