Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
