I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
