the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
