...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
