who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
