he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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