they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
