Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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