There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize