I am puke
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
