dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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