If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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