Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
