I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
