two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
