i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
