Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
