I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
