Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize