Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
