I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
