You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
