I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
