Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
