I just threw up on my dentist
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
