So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize