Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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