grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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