please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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