I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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