how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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