he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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