I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize