All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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