You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
