just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
