The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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