did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I enjoy the company of your penis
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
