two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
