so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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