fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
