Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
