Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
