fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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