i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
