I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
