she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
