True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
