My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
