Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
