Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
