someone threw a dead crab at me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
