Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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