Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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