she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
