my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
