**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
