RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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