I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
