I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize